This post may contain affiliate links and Rebel Love may be compensated for purchases visitors make through these links. We only promote products and services we really care about and that we think are useful. Read the full policy here.
Over the last decade, online dating has been growing in popularity. Since the pandemic began, more people have taken to their devices to form connections and find love. What was once stigmatized is now the new norm for socializing and finding potential partners.
Regardless of the upswing in online dating, this terrain can feel awkward and unfamiliar. If the dating world has you stumped, or you’re finding it difficult to attract compatible partners and score a second date, take a breath – I’ve got you!
As you move swiftly into these virtual spaces, it’s important you go with confidence. I want you to be as successful in love and relationships as possible, so…
I have rounded up 21 experts to share their top tips on optimizing your dating profile so you:
🖤 Feel comfortable and in control of your online dating life
🖤 Feel in alignment with the personal info you’re putting out there
🖤 Are attracting the right dates for you
Yes, these top dating and relationship coach from around the world spill the dos and don’ts on dating profile optimization!
Let’s see what they have to say…
Dating Profile Blunders – What to Avoid
We aren’t all writers or marketers, and yet, online dating requires us to be a bit of both. Essentially, creating a dating profile is the same as putting an ad out for a product you want people to notice and buy. The issue is, you need to know the product and the buyer.
We asked our experts what people should avoid when putting themselves out “to market”, to ensure you’re attracting the right dates for you. Our experts shared some dating profile blunders to avoid…
“The ‘Don’t contact me if ___’ profile. The ‘Swipe left if you___’ profile. The ‘I’m NOT looking for ____’ profile. Some people think that this will protect them from the negativity that will always be on the apps. Instead focus on making someone smile with your bio or captions. It’s much more effective if you choose to inspire someone to want to connect with you instead of creating stipulations for engagement right off the bat. It’s a turn off. “
“I once had a beautiful, well-educated, amazing woman come to me for coaching because she got a lot of first dates but not many second dates. I was baffled why any man wouldn’t want her…until I read her profile. It came off very flirty and sounded like she was only looking for hookups. She wanted a real relationship so the men who were just looking for sex lost interest. She was horrified and said she thought she was being funny. I helped her rewrite her profile to say she was looking for a long-term partner. She quickly met a wonderful man. Inflection is lost in the written word. Be sure what you write accurately describes your intention. Humor is easily misunderstood.”
“Many women try to sell the whole package – relationship and all – in the profile. This is way too much for him to process. The only thing you need to do is sell *the next step in the process.* Which is to get him interested enough to MEET YOU. Nothing more! You can’t rush the process. It will take time – not information – to build a relationship. Also – keep the images in your profile FUN and positive. Avoid serious images that seem dour. He should only think one thing when seeing your pics: She looks like a fun person!”
“I recall a woman listing all of the qualities that her perfect partner better not have. The whole profile sounded bitter and angry instead of highlighting the qualities that she loves and looks forward to experiencing in a partner.”
“A couple of examples I recall of a poorly written profile are: – a profile that uses only emoji’s and no words. Deciphering that takes away from the intrigue. Pass! – Stating all the things you don’t want in a list. It clouds someone’s opinion of you before they ever meet you. Plus you come across intolerant of people. Yikes! – Using the phrases similar to ‘not looking for drama’ usually means you’re not a stranger to drama. Hard pass!”
“‘If you’re here to play games don’t bother messaging me.’ ‘Must be 6ft or taller.’ ‘If you have more than one baby mama swipe left.’ Too often people will list negatives on their profiles thinking it will weed out the game players. In all actuality it’s a turn off for someone who could be really great for you but your negative attitude or blunt approach is unattractive. Try listing what you want vs what you don’t want. ‘Looking to connect with my soulmate’ ‘Interested in a person who takes care of their health physically mentally…’ ‘Great Dads are sexy,’ ‘love a man that is active in his child’s life.’ You’re still getting your message across but it’s easier to digest.”
“The worst profiles I have seen are the ones that talk about politics or go on a rant about how they refuse to even message someone who may have voted differently from them. The other thing I see often is bragging. Bragging about materialistic things they possess pictures of them leaning on fancy cars and, worse than that, shirtless photos of men… No woman gets hot and bothered when she sees a shirtless picture of a man. It’s the truth. Women get turned on by your mind, not what you look like naked.”
“Recently I coached a lady on our Life Check Yourself Podcast who was struggling with this problem. She is a single mom and says she can’t meet anyone who meets her needs as a mom. I immediately asked her if she made that clear in her profile… I asked: ‘Did you paint a picture for them like ‘on the weekends we love to go pick up juice for my kids team cheer them on and then we get a babysitter in the evening and go have a romantic date’?’ She said ‘No, I never even said that I had kids.’ Some women are so afraid that they’re going to eliminate someone good that they become so generic and end up attracting all the wrong people.”
“Avoid generic phrases like ‘I like travel’ or cliches like ‘looking for a partner in crime.’ Possibly the worst thing you can do is present yourself just like everyone else.”
Dating Profile Wins – What to Include
We asked our experts what you should include in your dating profiles to ensure your bio represents what you’re searching for and aligns with who you are.
Having a dating profile that represents you and what you seek is an art, as it sends the right message to your ideal partners, and weens out the incompatible ones. Here they share vital tips for attracting dates, and giving the right impression so you aren’t left-swiped by a great catch.
“…Highlight what someone else gets out of dating you instead of explaining how great you are. It works miraculously.”
“Use your limited real estate on the app to focus on being positive and who you are instead of listing all of the things you don’t want.”
“Be honest. Clearly and succinctly write specifically what you’re looking for in a partner. Commonality is what makes a relationship last. You do want to turn off anyone who is not what you want. List what you don’t want along with what you do want. Also men are very visual. Make sure you have a well-lit close-up smiling photo that looks like you.”
“Our best piece of advice for someone trying to attract their ideal person on dating apps is a) Avoid waiting more than 4-6 hours to respond back to an online message. It simply sends the message that you’re too busy, which means you may be too busy for a relationship. We all have busy lives but communication cadence is extremely important in the early courting stages on dating apps; b) If you’re looking for love use the word “love” on your profile write-up along with complimentary words such as “relationship,” “committed,” or “romantic.” Clarity let’s the universe know what you’re ordering from its menu.”
“I advise ‘Mindful Swiping,’ a strategy I devised to utilize online dating as an avenue for cultivating self-awareness, authentic expression, loving kindness and inner peace. It has to do with (1) ritualizing online app usage to be in a present mindful state while using them; (2) practicing authenticity and vulnerability in crafting one’s profile; (3) practicing loving kindness by sending love & goodwill to others online; (4) practicing equanimity and inner peace by becoming more detached from immediate outcomes. This process helps us be our best self on the apps and therefore attract better partners to our field.”
“Attracting the right person requires getting honest about your relationship values, needs and wants and what is important to you in a person and in a partnership. Doing this will help you filter out the wrong people and avoid wasting your time with mismatched relationships. Your online profile would reflect this as well. For example if one of your values is family. You might say, ’Spending Sundays watching football and eating together with my family is one of the traditions I enjoy.’”
“Have great photos that reflect your best physical qualities – eyes smile. Make sure you have a full body shot as well as a headshot and maybe one engaged in an activity you love.”
Last Minute Advice
These experts are from all over the world, with varying experiences and backgrounds, yet their consensus is the same – optimize your dating profile by:
🖤 Staying positive
🖤 Showcasing your unique qualities
🖤 Offering clarity on what you seek
To hit these points home, here is their last-minute advice…
“Stand out from the crowd with interesting photos and profile and highlight what makes you unique – the quirkier the better.”
“1. You must have absolute clarity and specifics about who you are seeking 2. You must be in a state of inner peace and joy in order to magnetize a great person 3. You must keep focusing on exactly who you are seeking- NEVER SETTLE for someone who is NOT your MATCH!”
“Lower your expectations, not your standards. Your only goal on date # 1 is to have fun and to see if there is a connection in the making. Nothing more.”
“Only match with two at a time to avoid paradox of choice.” It prevents the app from biohacking your brain to keep you addicted to the app.”
“Don’t get invested in someone until they show you with their consistent ACTIONS over time that they’re serious about you and ready to move things forward.”
“If you’re using dating apps have a solid dating strategy be clear about what you want and get into the right mindset and energy frequency to attract it. A dating app is just a tool. The energy one brings to the app will determine what is attracted.”
“Have an intentional strategy around what sites you want to use how often you are going to use them who you hope to attract and what you are going to put on your profile to attract that person.”
“…the reality is that you need to be ok with a lot of swiping and potentially a lot of rejection. Just Keep Going.”
Just Keep Going
Online dating has become the new norm for forming meaningful connections and finding love. It has been a saving grace for many people during the pandemic.
By optimizing your dating profile, you will increase your chances of finding your ideal partner(s) and reduce time spent with incompatible matches. Keep on going and enjoy the process, because you (and love) are worth it!
If you’re still struggling with your last break-up and can’t seem to let go, our Let Love Begin Summit has helped thousands of women let go of their ex and open their hearts again. The Let Love Begin Summit is a video series from 21 love, sex and relationship experts on letting go and learning to open the door to your heart again.
Use the code DATINGAPPS for 50% off the full price.
