Facing the hurt after you break up with someone is part of the process and is owed to the breakup itself if everything you’ve sacrificed in leaving your ex and surrendering your future together is going to be worth it.
Why you’re asking: am I in love? Why do we wonder if we are falling in love?
We only wonder ‘how to be more confident in bed’ because we’ve been stranded in such a desert that makes us ask about something that should be heuristic, something that we all have the tools to uncover for ourselves.
In going through a breakup, this past year, I attempted repeatedly to bypass the necessary stages of growth – the primary one being: distance.
Ideally, we are ambidextrous: we hold when something needs to be held, and release when release is necessary. At other times, we do something incredible, ‘holding on’ and ‘letting go’ simultaneously.
The seduction of beauty at a distance, like the spell of a mirage, holds me captive as long as I believe it will stay perfect upon contact. By contrast, nearness is the most difficult state in which to see beauty – so the absent, hidden, and distant attract, while the present, the ordinary, feels flat and insufferable.
A brief response to “I am completely dependent on my girlfriend for happiness. How do I find happiness in myself?”
Expert advice for battling breakup grief.
