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The hardest part about losing someone you’re not ready to lose is accepting the fact that you’re better off without this person in your life; that your days will be brighter without them; that all the love you gave them wasn’t enough. It’s accepting that this person you lost was okay with losing you. That their version of forever at that time meant temporary. The hardest part is accepting that something has been broken between you and this person, and it may never go back to what it was. 

It’s getting used to your new life without their daily morning texts, their frequent check-ins, their surprises, and the way you felt around them. It’s trying to heal the wounds; trying to understand why people do the things they do to people who care deeply about them; trying to maintain faith in people. The hardest part about losing someone is trying to forget the plans you made together, cancelling the trips you booked, walking to your favorite spots alone, running into them and having small talk after you’ve shared all your secrets… becoming strangers after being inseparable. 

But you know what’s harder? Staying stuck on them while they move on without you. Thinking about them when they’re thinking about someone else. Keeping them in your mind as they go about their life. Losing someone is hard, but losing yourself over someone is much more difficult to overcome, that’s what you learn when you lose people you love, that you’ve only got yourself. At any point in time, you could lose someone you never thought you’d lose, and that’s when you are forced to learn to move on. That you won’t judge yourself by how someone treated you or how they left you; that you’re not here to prove to people that you’re worth loving. 

Do you know what’s even harder again? Loving yourself less because someone didn’t love you right. You can always find love, and validation, within, and know that you can learn how to love again, and give your world to someone again, and share your deepest fears. You’re full of love and you won’t let your past losses or heartbreaks stop you from finding that. You won’t let the wrong people stop you from loving the right people. You won’t let your mistakes define you. 

Every time I lost someone I wasn’t ready to lose, I would ask myself if that person was truly meant to be in my life because there’s a part of it you can’t control; there’s a part of it that’s purely up to fate. I can fight tooth and nail for someone, and they can still leave. I finally understood that I can’t make someone love me if they’re not ready and I can’t make someone stay if they don’t want to. I finally understood that some stories end, and it’s better not to reopen them or rewrite them because you never know what’s waiting for you in the next chapter. 

The thing about losing someone you weren’t ready to lose is that you actually get to know yourself better; you surprise yourself; you find strength, faith, resilience and hope. You discover that you don’t need this person as much as you thought you did. You discover that some losses are blessings in disguise. After a while, you realize that heartbreak is not so bad, because you find ways to heal and you find ways to fill the void. Somehow this shows you that there is more to life than hanging on to someone who’s already gone and there’s more to love than remembering someone who has already forgotten about you. After a while, you realize that for every loss you endure, you gain something better for you in return.  

Have you ever lost yourself in the process of loving someone else?