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The Age of Innocence

I can remember lying on the couch watching NFL Football on Sunday afternoons. I was in my forties. I started to see these intriguing commercials. They would show a mature, well-built man, rugged and good looking. He’d work his way out of some difficult situation with experience and confidence, and the narrator would promote some prescription medicine for something called Erectile Dysfunction, or ED. I had often heard comments about the “Little blue pill” thrown around with funny connotations, however, I knew little or nothing of the problem and arrogantly felt a sense of superiority knowing that this was something I had never experienced. 

 And then it happened

Sometime after I turned fifty years old, the ED bomb dropped on me. Suddenly, I had become impotent. There may have been some reduction in sexual performance and the quality of my erection over the years, but it didn’t make any marked impression on me. Saying I had ED may have even been putting it mildly. I don’t know what happened but I had almost no erection at all. Secretly, I was shocked and didn’t know what to do. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone. My wife did not take any serious notice of it initially. I realize that sex had become very plain and bland in our marriage.  The sudden loss of my ability to perform was not a big deal to her (maybe that was a hidden contributor). I was almost beside myself thinking about it and wondering about a future with this condition. Could I even live like this? This condition unlocked the worst fears in me.  I tried to keep busy, block it from my mind as much as possible, and hope for something to change. 

Deciding to get help

I had always kept a secret pornographic magazine stash in my house. In the past, when I had the comfort of true privacy, I would get them out and pleasure myself while I read pornographic stories and looked at the photographs. This was always very erotic and arousing for me; it never failed to produce a good erection. This time things were different, I sat there on the commode reading the porn and playing with myself, and there was little or no reaction. At this point, I had given up on waiting to see if my problem would get better. I made an appointment with a General Practitioner in town under the guise of getting a yearly physical exam. Anxiously, I waited for the day to come. As I walked into the office I felt self-conscious. Sulkily, I walked into the reception area and sat down. When I was interviewed by the medical receptionist, I claimed I was in for a yearly exam. When I revealed the condition of being impotent, she acknowledged it nonchalantly. I thought to myself, maybe this is not going to be too difficult? Maybe they see this all the time. 

I went through a fairly rigorous medical exam. They drew blood for lab analysis. Checked all my vitals. I also had a prostate exam. I talked with the doctor about the sudden impotence and ED. I told him that I was able to have a very weak erection and I would climax right away. It was like my body just permitted the process to flush old semen from my body. There was no possibility of having real penetrative sex. The doctor didn’t seem surprised or phased at all. He wanted to prescribe “the little blue pill” for me right then. He made a comment, “It will give you an erection like an 18-year-old.” He didn’t offer any reason or explanation for why this could be happening to me. Maybe he really didn’t know. I felt betrayed by my body and I wanted to understand more about this condition. I told the doctor that there must be a reason for this; I just couldn’t go to ED medications that easily. I bid my case and he agreed to write two referral visits, one with a cardiologist and the other with a urologist. 

Further Medical Exams

The first exam was with the cardiologist. While I had no specific event that would suggest I had a heart condition, I thought maybe some change had occurred and my body was keeping my heart from pumping at the pressure it needed for an erection? I went to the cardiologist and I had an EKG and treadmill exam. My heart was ok. The appointment with the urologist was very superficial, with no examination. The urologist made a comment that still sticks with me to this day; “We don’t look for a cause when there is a solution”. He wanted to send me out the door with a prescription for “The Little Blue Pill,” just like the General Practitioner. Again, I expressed my dislike for non-natural medications. He eventually offered a prescription for the purchase of a Penis Pump. He explained how it worked and it made reasonable sense to me, the pump artificially draws blood into your penis causing an erection. It should help to some degree? I agreed and purchased one. I received the pump in the mail and attempted to follow the instructions for its use. It did cause blood to engorge my penis, however, using it as a precursor to real sex was not going to work. Firstly, it wasn’t practical or enticing to use it in the state of arousal, the moment and mood were quickly lost. Secondly, there was an option to place a rubber ring over your penis once engorged, to trap blood and maintain an erect state. But it felt uncomfortable and the quality of the erection it held was odd; it didn’t feel natural or good and I didn’t even try to leave it on for very long. After an enthusiastic start with the penis pump, its use tapered off. 

Have you experienced erectile dysfunction either personally or as a partner in a relationship?

Time heals

Oddly enough, as time passed, my erection started to improve gradually. In the beginning of this improvement period, my sex life consisted of masturbation — either solo, or with my wife participating. As time continued I was even able to engage in penetrative sex. I would have to support my penis to penetrate, then I could continue to thrust until climax. There was another new condition that I was now aware of: I ejaculated quite quickly. It felt like I had no control over it and my body would come very soon. It was during this time that I became more interested in sex as a student. I began to look for ways to boost my sex life and sex drive to compensate for my lack of ability for penetrative sex. I performed other activities, including sensual massage and a lot oral sex. It was something new in the bedroom and we both enjoyed it.

Further improvement

This whole experience caused a sexual renaissance for me. I wanted to do more and learn more about sex and how to please a woman. Years ago I had heard about the Kama Sutra, something secret and forbidden that I was now ordering online. While I was reading it and looking at all the erotic artwork that it contained, I found myself becoming aroused.  I subscribed to websites orientated to a couple’s sexual education and improvement. I had subscribed to a website for couples and my wife was even following a sexologist on her own. Once in a while, she would tell me something that she had just learned. Sex was getting better and my performance was gradually improving. Sex had become the central focus in my life, it was only natural for my body to respond positively.

Other improvements 

As I became more and more interested in improving my sex life and sexual performance, I decided to make an appointment with a Doctor who specialized in natural and holistic medicine. I was not the least bit shy when I was with the doctor this time around; I told her about my recent history and wanted whatever help natural medicine could offer. I left the office with some all-natural supplements to improve my blood flow and testosterone levels. She provided suggestions for lifestyle changes that would help improve my general health and libido as well as eliminate some of the negative effects of modern materials and chemicals on my body. 

While at the doctor’s, I showed her an ad that I had cut out of a health magazine that promoted the benefits of a procedure called Acoustic Wave Therapy. She looked it over and thought that it was a safe procedure and it would be worthwhile to receive. I followed suit and purchased a 12 session package of these Acoustic Wave Treatments. The treatment uses sound waves pulsed to help clean and stimulate your erectile tissue and blood passages in the penis. After my very first treatment, I felt an exertion in my loins, it wasn’t anything painful, just a sense of soreness. It might compare to playing a sport that requires you to use muscles that have been idle for a long time and for that reason weakened. It was right after those first treatments that I noticed better erections. Throughout the treatments, I seemed to have some improvement, although the initial improvement was the most marked. The technician also gave me a paper explaining the correct method to use the vacuum pump for improved erections; she called it my “homework.” I made time to do this homework as much as possible during the treatments and it helped contribute to improved erections.


The old saying, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone,” applies to your sexual health and sex life. It needs to be an important, if not the most important part of your personal life. It requires monitoring, exploration, and innovation. Like an athlete looking to stay at the top of his or her game: 

One should always be striving to get better and improve their sex life.