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A

Abstinence 

The practice of restraining oneself from participating or indulging in some or all forms of sexual activity. In traditionalist societies and cultures, abstinence is often educated and promoted as a method of birth control. Although abstinence should be an individual choice, some countries enforce it by law.

Ace

A term often used in place of Asexual.

Aesthetic Attraction 

A non-sexual or romantic attraction to a person’s appearance.

Androgyny

The state of a person whose sex cannot be easily determined by gender expression or physical attributes.

Apathetic 

The adjective describing someone who lacks interest or enthusiasm.

Asexual 

A diverse sexual orientation that is generally characterized by the absence of sexual attraction or desire for sex. It’s important to note that, like other sexual identities, asexuality varies, and is distinct from celibacy.

A-Spot

An erogenous zone known as the anterior fornix. The a-spot, not to be confused with the g-spot, can be found at the innermost point of the front vaginal wall, next to the cervix. Stimulating this area can provide pleasure and may cause lubrication.

24/7 or APE

Also known as “24/7 submission” or “slavery” or Absolute Power Exchange (APE); In BDSM it means the submissive partner gives complete control over to the Dominant partner 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This is an intense and continuous relationship, whereby the submissive gives complete control over to the Dominant in all agreed-upon aspects of the submissive’s life.

Agender

A gender identity indicating the individual does not identify as having a particular gender.

Age Play

A type of role-play in which one or more partners pretend to be  a different age. Usually there is a preference, and not all role-playing is sexual. Age play may include toys and costumes, as well as behaviors and actions of the chosen age. For example, one partner may play as a small child or baby and wear diapers, whereby the other partner is their caretaker.

Alpha Sub

Term for the most powerful submissive in a D/s scene, or the submissive at the top of the hierarchy of submissives. This usually occurs in a polyamorous or open D/s relationship whereby the Dominant has multiple submissives.

Anal Beads

A sex toy that consists of a string of anal-safe beads with a space between each bead. The string is inserted into the anus, then gently removed by pulling on the exposed end. The passing of one bead at a time through the anus, providing a recurring sensation of fullness, and the sphincter opening and closing.

Anal Hook

A sex toy, specifically a curved metal object with a ball on the lower end, and a loop on the top end. The main purpose of the anal hook is to insert the ball end into the anus of a consenting partner (usually a submissive partner). A rope is threaded through the loop and then attached to a fixture to keep the submissive in place.

Anal Play

Any sexual stimulation involving the anus.

Anal Sex

Traditionally refers to sexual intercourse involving the anus, whereby the anus is penetrated by a penis or toy; however, since “sex” is technically an umbrella term for sexual behaviors and actions, it may include any sexual stimulation involving the anus.

Analingus

A type of oral sex, whereby the tongue and mouth are used to stimulate the anus.

Androsexual

Having a sexual preference for partners who identify as male.

Animal Play

A type of role-play where one or all partners pretend to be animals.

Asexual

Also known as “ace,” asexuality is low level or lack of sexual attraction or interest in pursuing sexual experiences. Asexual individuals can still experience romantic love; however, there are people who are also a-romantic (no desire for romantic love).

B

Bisexual

A term for individuals who are sexually attracted to two distinct genders or sexes.

Boundaries

Refers to an individual’s comfort level and limits surrounding physical touch and specific sexual activities. Setting boundaries protects all parties from experiencing or causing distress. Some boundaries can be very clear, whereas others are discovered through exploration and the progression of relationships.

Bull

This term refers to a third-party male brought into a cuckold couple. The bull has sex with one partner (traditionally the wife/female partner), while the cuckold partner (traditionally the husband/male partner) watches. The bull is generally more alpha than the cuckold and is used to humiliate the husband as he services his wife. This is the male equivalent to a cuckcake in the cuckquean fetish. The bull may also be referred to as a “cuckold bull,” “swinger bull,” or “alpha male” within the community. For more information on this fetish, see cuckold and cuckquean.

C

Celibacy

This term refers to the act of remaining sexually abstinent either voluntarily or not. Individuals who cannot find a lover are oftentimes referred to as involuntary celibates, or “incels.” Historically, culture has an influence on the celibacy of its people. For example, one may take a vow of celibacy for religious reasons. Unlike abstinence, celibacy is characterized as a long-term refrainment from sex.

Cis-gender Female

A term describing a female whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth.

Cis-gender Male

A term describing a male whose gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth.

Clitoris

Scientifically known as the clitoris glans and shaft, and covered by the clitoral hood, this biological female organ holds 8000 nerve-endings. It is the sensitive part of the biological female anatomy, its only purpose being for pleasure. It extends from the vulva (external) inward and is situated around the urethra and vaginal canal. The clitoris is homologous to the biological male sex organ, the penis. Also known as the female pleasure organ.

Compersion

Often referred to as the “opposite of jealousy,” compersion is feelings of joy prompted by another person’s joy. This term was coined by the polyamory community to define the experience of “empathetic happiness” that occurs as a result of seeing the happiness of their partner(s).

Consent

The permission given by all participating parties involved in a physical or sexual situation or specific act. More commonly known as Enthusiastic Consent, it is obtained through ongoing, open communication, which includes the discussion of personal boundaries. Consent can be revoked at any point.

Cuckcake

This term refers to a third-party female brought into a cuckquean couple. The cuckcake has sex with one partner (traditionally the husband/male partner), while the cuckquean partner (traditionally the wife/female partner) watches. This is the female equivalent to a bull in the cuckold fetish. For more information on this fetish, see cuckold and cuckquean.

Cuckold (noun) – Cuckolding (verb)

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A term describing the fetish of a man who takes pleasure in watching his partner (traditionally wife/female partner) engage in sexual relations with another man, known as the bull. This fetish usually takes the shape of Domination/submission, whereby the wife (hotwife) and bull humiliate the cuckold. This is a form of mental masochism, wherein all parties are enthusiastically consenting. This female equivalent is a cuckquean.

Cuckquean (noun) – Cuckqueaning (verb)

A term describing the fetish of a woman who takes pleasure in watching her partner (traditionally husband/male partner) engage in sexual relations with another woman, known as the cuckcake. This male equivalent is a cuckold.

D

Dyspareunia

This is a general term for any sexual act that causes physical pain or discomfort.

E

Ejaculate

As a noun, it is the seminal fluid that the body releases from the penis during orgasm; As a verb, it is the ejection of semen from the penis.

Erogenous Zone

An area of the body with a heightened sensitivity that may produce a sexual response when stimulated. Usually, this area has a higher concentration of nerve endings. Erogenous zones may include genitals, lips, nipples, ears, even feet, and armpits.

Erotophobia 

The fear of sex and sexual intimacy.

F

Forgiveness

The action or process of consciously releasing negative feelings – such as resentment, anger, or hate – toward a person or people who have wronged or harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve it. Forgiveness is the ultimate act of self-love, for it promotes emotional healing and leads to inner peace.

FTM

Acronym for female-to-male; a term referring to trans men who were assigned female sex at birth. It's important to note that this term may be outdated as it reduces trans folk to their medical transitions.

G

Gay

A term that describes men who are specifically attracted to other men.

Gender

Traditionally used as a binary system referring to the social and cultural differences between men and women, rather than the biological ones. Today, it is an umbrella term for a broad spectrum of gender identities, that expand beyond the traditional scope of the male-female binary. See gender identity for more information.

Gender Fluid

A gender identity indicating the individual does not have a fixed gender or fluctuates between multiple genders.

Gender Identity

An individual’s personal perception and/or experience of their own gender. There are several gender identities, including, but not limited to: cis-gender female, cis-gender male, transgender, gender fluid, gender-neutral, non-binary, agender, pangender, genderqueer. An individual’s gender identity may include one or many of these.

Gender Neutral

A term used to refer to an individual that does not have a specified gender. Generally speaking, these individuals use they/them pronouns.

Genderqueer

Often used as an umbrella term for gender identities that fit beyond the scope of traditional gender distinction. An individual may identify as genderqueer if they do not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions (male and female), identify with both, none, or other gender identities. This term challenges the idea that there are only two genders (non-binary).

Gratitude

The practice of thankfulness, even during difficult times. When you experience gratitude, you experience a positive emotion closely related to appreciation, but more profound. Practicing gratitude has been proven to decrease stress, increase joy, self-esteem, and have long-lasting positive health benefits.

G-Spot

Erogenous zone that can be found approximately two inches deep into the vagina. Also known as the Urethral Sponge. When the G-Spot is stimulated it may provide intense sensations including pleasure, and a feeling like one needs to urinate. This is said to be the spot responsible for female ejaculation (AKA squirting).

H

Heteroflexible

A sexual orientation used to describe a person who participates mostly in heterosexual activities (sexual/romantic) but will sometimes participate in homosexual activities (sexual/romantic). An individual who may find the same sex appealing but is mainly interested in sexual and romantic relationships with the opposite sex.

Heterosexual

A sexual orientation used to describe a person who experiences sexual attraction for people of the opposite sex. This term typically refers to attraction between men and women.

Homosexual

A sexual orientation used to describe a person who experiences sexual attraction for people of the same sex. This typically refers to the attraction between men to men or women to women.

Hotwife

Term used to define the female partner/wife of a cuckold couple. The hotwife has sexual relationships with other men, typically with the consent of her husband/cuckold, and oftentimes in front of her husband/cuckold. Also known as a slutwife. For more information, see cuckold and bull.

I

Intersex

A term used to describe an individual born with ambiguous reproductive features, or reproductive features of both the male and female systems. There is no single definition for intersexed bodies.

Intimacy

A feeling of familiarity and comfort that is not exclusive to romantic relationships. Not all intimacy is physical, in fact, psychologists have defined four types of intimacy: emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical.

K

Kindness

A behavior that requires a level of vulnerability, as it provides space to build meaningful connections. Qualities often associated with kindness are: warmth, friendliness, generosity, consideration. 

“Kindness is the new cool.”

– Syed Balkhi
L

Labia

The inner and outer folds of the vulva. The outer labia, also known as the labia majora, can be found on the outermost portion of the biological female genitalia, below the pubic mound, also known as the mons pubis (where pubic hair grows). The inner labia, or labia minora, can be found surrounding the opening of the pussy.

Lesbian

A term that describes women who are specifically attracted to other women.

Love

An abstract concept defined as an intense feeling of deep affection; however, it is also an action, an event, one that can only be defined by our individual experiences.

M

Masochism

The act or tendency of experiencing pleasure or sexual stimulation by having pain inflicted upon oneself. This is what the “M” stands for in BDSM. There are different types of masochists. For example, some prefer physically painful activities, such as spankings, while others prefer emotional or mental pain, such as humiliation.

MTF

Acronym for male-to-female; a term referring to trans women who were assigned male sex at birth. It's important to note that this term may be outdated as it reduces trans folk to their medical transitions.

N

Non-binary

Synonymous to genderqueer; this is an umbrella term for gender identities beyond the scope of conventional male and female gender distinctions. Also known as enby.

P

Promise

The verbal assurance that something will be fulfilled, and the action of following through on it.

Q

Queer

This is an umbrella term encompassing an intersection of identities and orientations. Individuals who identify as queer fall outside of the conventional distinctions of gender identity and/or sexual orientation.

R

Relationship Anarchy (RA)

Term coined by Andie Nordgren, a Swedish activist, is a philosophy that pulls anarchist principles and applies them to intimate relationships. RAs do not prioritize their romantic/sexual relationships over platonic ones and are highly critical of the conventional standards that do. RAs use anarchist concepts to deny hierarchy within relationships and reject set expectations. “Love is not a finite resource,” says Nordgren, and relationships are customizable.

Relationship Escalator

A common set of societal expectations for intimate relationships, usually in a heterotypical context, with the goal of achieving permanent monogamy. Expectations may include: purchasing a house together, marriage, having children, and remaining exclusive until death. These expectations are the standard in which most people gauge a developing relationship’s significance and longevity (what Relationship Anarchists reject).

S

Sex Positive

Refers to individuals who have open and progressive attitudes towards sex, sexuality, and all that falls under its umbrella, regardless of their sexual preferences. Sex-positive individuals are celebratory of their sexuality as well as others; they practice safe sex and see all consensual sexual experiences as healthy forms of self-expression.

Sorry 

A feeling of sorrow or regret for one's actions, thoughts, words, etc. As Clementine Ford states, “sorry is a behavior, not a word.” To be sorry means to feel sympathy for the person to whom you apologize , and make a conscious decision to change your harmful behavior.

Solo Polyamory

Refers to individuals who practice polyamory without intimate relationships leading to the traditional primary-style infrastructure, that typically includes purchasing a home together, marriage, children, and the merging of lives and responsibilities.

Squish 

The intense feelings of admiration or platonic desire for connection with another person. It is non-sexual or romantic in nature and may take the form of a “friend crush” or a familial-like love for someone. Can be a noun (“they are my squish”) or a verb (“I’m squishing on them”).

T

Trust

In the context of relationships (both romantic and non-romantic), trust is having  confidence in someone’s honesty, integrity, and loyalty. When you trust someone, it is a sign that you feel safe with them.